Here you will find word various words of wisdom (and sometimes not) that I've collected
Return to main page. Disclaimer: If you don't like something on the quote page, don't complain to me about it. I've got better things to do than moderate this page and educate people on personal responsibility. Now, if you see something here that needs proper citation, send me an email (wyatt@hackerforhire.org) and I'll change that because I'm all about keeping it ligit. I'll charge you $50 if I have to explain this to you.
"Bobbing for apples is like fucking for virginity." "I am a heavy hitter. The problem is that every time I hit heavy enough to make something happen, I have to write an apology letter." Josh: Ya.. that sounds bad I'm a horny engineer, Leonard. i never joke about math or sex. Sara: Good question! And what about the ones that flew? Katy: I blame you for my pain [after running two 5K's in a row] You suck so bad you make black holes look asthmatic. If you shoot a guy down during a Marvin Gaye song, you're a bitch. "How nuts would you say she is going? A little nuts or like "Almond Joy's got nuts ... but not that many." "We'd like a consult. Basically, we don't know what a switch does. NO WAIT!!! A specific switch." Ah, the Germans. They've given us so many wonderful things: World War I, World War II, SAP... A: Dude, that's a sack drop on the table.
P: Swiss Cheese? Wyatt Neal: 65.0.0.0/BAN Tim: Websphere is a BAD example of EVERYTHING Mike: peer to peer sex blogging... now with more leeching? hmmm... someone's getting screwed. HAR HAR Enderandrew: "I agree. Is IKEA evil if they provide the NSA with desks?" LED's don't get as hot because instead of a filament, they are made of light emitting diodes. Husband: (Shakes gift) Does this sound like long-range walkie-talkies to you? Joe: "Sublimation of an element or compound is a transition from the solid to gas phase with no intermediate liquid stage." wyatt_earp: every time I see your nick, I think it says "wyatt_erp", which sounds like a badass resource planning app = ) user: "hey, kernel, call method 22 with these arguments." My motto is: Bored ...if you are intelligent, it puts you at risk of discovering something that is true, but counterintuitive and unpopular, and it does you almost no good to know such a thing. - rob at Businesspundit After you have a ninja you're just so happy to be alive! A ninja divided by a katana can not stand. Conductor: This is West Fourth Street. Transfer is available to the A, C, E, F, and V trains. It's way too big to be a planet and since small planets are called dwarf planets, please welcome the first discovered troll planet. You are having delusions of adequacy my friend. Wyatt: Damnit, missed. Guilt. It's the glue that holds relationships together I just can't see why it'd be called a pizza - if you have a pizza that looks like that, you're in for a seriously interesting digestive experience.
"I can do push-ups with my tongue. Does that do anything for you?"
m: Does he have to be erect for that role?
"I would have been smarter if I had more oxygen as a child."
"Wake up! It's time for science!"
"If something is worth having, it's worth abusing"
"I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators."
"We just have a minor detail we're trying to work"
"Speaking of nature-ie things, I went to the bathroom..."
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
So when you are out cheating on your wife she can imput a special code and melts your nuts. Its DRM, Dick rights managment.
"This is awful. It's like drinking My Little Pony"
But if I test it I'll find bugs...
"Aww... I can't right now, I've got a chicken under the brick."
Big Boob's Carpets -- We Lay It On The Floor.
"You wanna know how you do it? Here's how, they pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the Chicago way...."
"I chewed someone out ... then they apologized ... well, actually, I didn't chew them out ... I professionally shot them down."
I went to a hurricane and they guy called me capt Did someone just have a squirrel girl moment? - Wyatt "Thanks Jason, couple of questions. Is there a reason why we have the mail server configured to allow connections to the SMTP ... from a na "I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the flapping of your butt checks around your head."
Our child is going to invent the first solar powered, electronic dildo-bong. -- Mike, talking about Aidyn's heritage "I don't kill flies but I like to mess with their minds. I hold them above globes. They freak out and yell, 'Whoa, I'm way too high!' "
"You bent over and painted it red so it was a better target for him."
"We want them [parallel software projects] to be similar in a different way."
"That should resolve your issue..."
"Word documents are sometimes cumbersome with formatting, so I just did it in a PowerPoint presentation."
"I got a blind guy drawing in the dirt with a stick that could render that page better than IE could."
Never send a software guy to install RAM.
Wyatt: I hate it when my sinuses drip back into my throat and makes me have to cough.
Dawn: "A prayer is like a VPN tunnel to God."
Jeanette: "Steve, you're evil."
Damn chicken stick.
"...For the piece of monkey shit he is! ALLALUIA HOLY SHIT! Where's The TYLENOL? " -Chevy Chase- National Lampoons Christmas Vacation "So Far I Have Shot Both Feet Rammed My Head Against A Wall And Shared A Round of BANG HEAD ON TABLE With a Friend Its Been A Good Day"
The 2nd Most Intimate thing you can do for a person... is cook for them.... yes i sand the 2nd.....
Ryan: i'm digging myself out of a hole too. gotta read 80 pages by tonight.
"I've got a +1 lance in my pants."
"With current DNA being patented our only hope left is to create our own truly open source life form. No word yet on which format Microsoft and Sony intend to back. In related news, Bush is working heavily with Monsanto to ensure that the DMCA is found to be applicable to current life forms. Scientists caught attempting to reverse engineer life should expect to be raided by the FBI by the end of year."
"Do not use this plugin to schedule nuclear attacks against your enemies. Do not rely on this pluign to remind you when to take your medication."
There are two ways of constructing a software design: one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies; the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies.
"Woohoo!!! I get to pluck your nipple hair!"
"He came out all cows grazing!"
"I feel like my mind was just raped by the bastard child of Salvador Dali and William Burroughs, while dropping enough acid to kill a small whale" - Zack after seeing two played by Ionesco. "That fricken pisstified the hell out of me."
"Krogo-get yo ass out of the car!"
"We had alot of laughs here tonight, but you know whats not funny? Killing stripers. Stripers are people too. Naked people, who might be willing to pleasure you for a price you nogotiate later behind the curtain in a VIP room. Besides, there's no reason to kill them, most of them are dead inside anyway."
"Now...to make all these hateful morons love me."
"It was like watching Helen Keller trying to read the Encyclopedia Britanica"
"That's awesome! I want to go molest a mannequin!"
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna."
"We need my dick in your hands right now!!!"
"You like that? Huh? Like that? Yeah, power of Christ compels you bitch!"
That would require extremely small atoms...and have you priced those these days? It's not like I'm made of money! 'What the f*ck was that, motherf*cker?!?!?!'
Waiter: What would you like to drink?
"The cloaca is a multi-purpose hole for birds"
http://www.smellypoop.com/poop.html We're not so much worreid about the part of the look that says "I'm going to end it all, " but the part that says "and I'm going to take everyone with me."
"Nuke a gay whale for Jesus!"
"It's Shikhalicious!"
I kept trying to find the lyrics, but then I realized it was an instrumental "Because what I've learned at UC is whenever something really sucks, there's always free ice cream..."
"You know the phrase 'money is the root of all evil'? Its wrong - Computers are the root of all evil and we are just glorified excorcists trying to make them work right..."
"RSS my quote page? That's a stupid idea."
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people
"It's like chewin through poop!"
"Screw the screen, its under warranty! My head isn't!"
P1: Phspt!
"A landmass by definition is not really mobile"
I use emacs, which might be thought of as a thermonuclear word processor.
And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu... That Better be the right document, or I'm going to fucking cuss. -- Will on PIC documentation Sweeping regime change has occurred in the mapper client... CPU cycles are being given back to the people after endless executions under the control of the drawMapBlock dictator. Viva la pixmap cache! Yes, I am tired.
"Here we go, this is a microfractionator....I have no idea what that is, but I'm secretly thrilled"
"NumbKnots come from NRUBS."
"Double-buffering is on, but I don't think it can handle wyatt"
Cold enough to the freeze the ball off your monkey
"The consequence you'll see will be stranger than a gang of drunken mimes"
"It's difficult to meditate on amphetamines." - Joe Walsh "I'd like a virus that makes my computer freeze up like a raspberry smoothie."
The meek shall inherit the earth. And all who refuse to bend will be broken and casted away from heaven's gate! W: "Are any of these dishes in the sink ours?"
Burning down people's dreams since 1981. "And that's why I'm better than you."
"I don't do things like that because I'm only evil on the inside."
Lady Astor: "Sir, you're drunk!"
After you The beaver continued taking advantage that we had been drinking and he hadn't. - Kevin Kling, The Great Beaver Rescue Effort "Our experience with real scientists and engineers indicates that when they're on-the-record, top-notch scientists and engineers won't even speculate about the color of their socks without looking at their ankles. They have top-notch reputations because they're almost always right. They're almost always right because they keep their mouths shut until they've fully analyzed the data." - From a Review of 'The Core' on its scientific inaccuracies. "Emptiness has its comfort in that there's nothing left to take"
(23:53:03) ME: Girl: Men are like ...... Blenders .... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
"Its amazing what professors tell you if you actually go to class"
"Hail to those motherfuckers;
"Maybe...
"I don't get really drunk cause I'm afriad the ugly girls well come get me"
"Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life." Austin quoting Terry Pratchett "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
and, on that note, i would like to point out that i speak perfectly correct american, so correcting my "english" is moot
"Cognitive impairments caused by sleep deprivation include impairments in memory, learning, logical reasoning, arithmetic skills, complex verbal processing, and decision making. Thus, staying up to study for exams for just a couple of nights can significatinly impair your ability to do as well as possible on those exams."
"Sometimes I really hate being a genius."
"They couldn't find the artist, so they hung the picture." "And now for the most horrible thing ever"
That's because they're not observing "National Hug a Sexy Guy in a Suit Day".
So... it comes down to one burning Library of Congress is 7.27815168 So, a dyslexic man walks into a bra...
Supermount: Super-unmount failed...that's why Superman died. "It's not valued added...it's value sprinkled."
"Muckworm??? That's a greate insult!"
thanks, what if i do all of my vommiting at my place and call yours a puke free zone
"My doctor says that I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes."
"I can outport stuff from my computer..."
"Dude, we should get some magic markers and White Castles so we can trace our digestive track."
Estrogen makes you buy shoes. -- Mike M. "Be good" is a relative concept. If you're a serial axe murderer, torturing rather than killing is "being good".
"NOT ZESTY."
"One can never have enough wine, women or attention."~Talon Karrde That's Like comparing apples and oranges Be careful of the toes that you step-on today, for they may be connected to the ass that you will have to kiss tomorrow.
Actor Eddie Fisher: "I've got a problem. I just can't get any dates!"
"Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you."
W: So they want me to come back because I have good work ethic?
"But I don't really swim. No, just sit...like, wave my arms around and be wet."
"None of our men are "experts." We have most unfortunately found it necessary
"Yo! I was primping, yo!"
/earth 98% full...please remove all unnecessary people
"That girl gets me twitter-patted or else I don' t know the meaning of the word. Man, and I thought caffeine got my hear out of whack."
"Don't make me go crispy on your ass..."
"As an architect, the question you should ask yourself isn't 'Can I do?,' but 'Should I do?'"
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always what they seem.
"I just want to start a new...planet."
"Wisdom is knowing what to do when."
It's so quite you can hear a mouse pee on a cotton ball
When you get down to it linux dosen't support any of the popular viruses. Why would you run linux if you can't run the popular programs, windows users seem to run a lot of them.
Just cause you're the leper with the most fingers doesn't mean anything.
On the east coast of Ohio....
"I was exampling..."
"Erotic is when you use a feather; Kinky is when you use the whole chicken."
"I'm not going to wash my underoos in a place that smells like pee" --Anonymous Female Graduate Student Dancer Arthur Murray: "She's her own worst enemy."
An Irishman walks out of a pub. HAHAHA! "So, how many Irish-men did you want installed into your pub?" W: I want that!
I want food to be magnetic.
W: "See? I was right. I can predict the future."
Calculus and Alcohol dont mix:
Homer: Kids! From now on there are three ways of doing things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way!
4 out of 3 people have problems with statistics
"It's Dodgeball!!!...On a Stick!!!"
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
"I guess you could say that I'm a closet exhibitionist."
"Fill me with barbecue sauce 'cause I'm dumb as hell!"
"There's a place where I come from: Its the place where I belong."
"There's a place where I come from: Its the place where I belong."
There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't. - Anonymous Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand - Anonymous "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity" - Hanlon's razor S: So you think you would date her?
"I don't know why, but I really like flossing. It just feel good to me."
"How do they make crackers?"
"It's not my fault. I don't know how to work this thing."
You can call leader till your ass bleeds, but that still doesn Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb! "Yes, I could have returned the shirt. Maybe it's a guy thing, but to me, returning a product is admitting you made a mistake. I can't take the pressure. And realistically, if I returned everything that disappointed me after I got it home, I'd be sitting in an empty house, naked, and starving. I'm a bad shopper, but I have high standards. It's a nasty combination."
"You ok? You seem kind of angry."
I tried to give up heroin but all my efforts were in vein. "Damn those robbers and thier guns and thier...their...their makeout parties."
"Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone"
"Technology is more important than food."
"Ociffer, I swear to drunk I'm not god."
A chubby man with a white beard and a red suit will approach you soon. Avoid him. He's a Commie. --Fortune Impotence. Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."
Jesus loves you....but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
"Silly faggot! Dicks are for chicks!"
K: "So you don't like modern art? Like the splatter paint stuff?"
I had no shoes and I pitied myself. Then I met a man who had no feet, so I took his shoes.
"It's like all the stupid people are getting all stupid over stupid stuff."
"You're like bi-polar obsessive-compulsive or something"
"It takes an idiot to do cool things. That's why they're cool"
The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
"The only way you'll ever hear from me is if you're living in the same hell."
"Yeah, but I don't want to be up at 4 A.M. in the morning tonight doing this."
"Every class has it's asshole. If you don't know who it is in the first two weeks, it's you."
"I like to cut my steak with skew lines."
give someone a program, you will frustrate them for a day,if you teach them how to program,you will frustrate them for a lifetime "Software is like sex. It's better when it's free."
Why do the people who really shouldn't breed always always always have at least eight offspring?
W: ...well, statistically speaking...
ink, n.:
Famous last words:
You know it's getting pretty bad when you have to take a stimulant to relax.
"I used to hate computers, but then the server went down on me!"
Any recipe that starts with three beers is worth a shot.
"This is the sort of English up with which I will not put"
Excuse me, would you like to try my smoked meat log?
"Nothing is random, you just need to readjust your concept of order." "Does anyone know when the water show is? Somebody should put up a sign that says when the water show is."
Pass...Pass...Pass...Damn! (flip)
Power when not tempered with wisdom
"We treat athletes better because they are better people."
"if i wanted your opinion i would have told it to you and then beaten it out of you" "So it's like heroin?" K: "...and I swear this lady had a huge patch of hair on her lower back!"
So...I'm a womanizer that doesn't like women? What the hell? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Vidi, vici, veni. "I like candy. It makes me strong and healfy"
"You get what you settle for."Thelma and Louise Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want. I used to have profound thoughts, but people got confused and angry. That's probably why all the prophets and martyrs got killed. "Wouldn't you like a good looking woman's back on your wall?"
In light of recent events, I truly regret taking France away from Germany. Personally, I think the Eifel Tower would look great as a heap of metal. Land of the free, because of the brave. My father always said once a ship starts sailling, it either keeps sailing or it sinks. Why not? Steve and I are the epitome of fun!
Don't you wish you were my homework,
Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. Youre two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number.
You're going to have a good time, if I have to cram it down your throat. Sara: "I think Dan will appreciate it, that way she won't be abducted raped or murdered."
What's this script do?
If sugar is a kiss then what is Sweet and Low?
The meek shall inherit the Earth -- they are too weak to refuse. We are going to have peace even if we have to fight for it.
There once was an old man from Esser,
The difference between this school and a cactus plant is that the
transvestite, n.:
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
"You know your mom is an alcoholic when you catch a buzz off of breast milk"
An analytical approach to people. Don't put the gerbals in the cubboard. You're just going to have to flip them in a hour.
"My girlfriend called me a pedophile yesterday."
"You just cant trust a state with a non-contegious, non-island landmass."
I'm blind, I'm deaf, I wanna be a ref!
A hard man is good to find. Fie for shame, you lascivious, lewd, lecherous, libidinous, lustful,licentious, dirty bum!!! She asked me if I loved her still. "Yes," I replied. "I've never had you any other way." And Jesus said unto them, "And whom do you say that I am?"
If you are found sleeping somewhere, you are fair game for having someone sleep
OOOOOOOOOH,
"Usually for one to fall flat on their face requires a running start..."
"If you've done things right, people won't be sure whether you've done
Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom
College is like a woman -- you work so hard to get in, and nine months
A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms.
Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question. Incest, n.:
Great Lover, n.:
I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall,
Roses are Red,
'Tears are but the deepest display of the soul pouring forth from one
LET Jesus be YOUR anchor!
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